


Who's the Daddy?

by NerdBirdWithGlasses



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Brotherly Bonding, Daddy Kink (?), Diego/Allison/Ben mentioned, Driving, Five is a good brother, Five teaches Klaus how to drive, Klaus calls Five "Daddy", Nervousness, Not Canon Compliant, Spanking (?), five is a little shit, like a swat on the butt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:41:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26589784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NerdBirdWithGlasses/pseuds/NerdBirdWithGlasses
Summary: It’s a well known fact that Klaus doesn’t know how to drive and since Diego adamantly refuses to get into another vehicle with him after the ice-cream truck incident, Five decides it’s up to him to teach Klaus. Based off of Five saying “I’m the daddy here!” in Season 2. Not Season 2 compliant though.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy & Klaus Hargreeves
Comments: 5
Kudos: 164





	Who's the Daddy?

"Get up, Klaus,” Five commanded, jumping suddenly in front of the younger man. Klaus gave a startled yelp and flailed his hands wildly, sending an open bottle of nail polish scattering across the table and smudging the wet paint on one finger. 

“Five!” Klaus whined as he grabbed the bottle before it could spill, “Look what you did! It’s ruined! Now I’m going to have to start all over!” 

Five narrowed his eyes as his sibling started to shove his smudged fingernail in his face. “You have exactly three seconds to remove your finger before I do it for you,” he threatened as Klaus opened his mouth to complain some more. Quickly, Klaus drew his hand back, knowing full well that he meant every word. There were many things that Klaus needed his fingers for, most not meant for innocent ears. 

“Alright, you little psycho, no need to get your little tighty-whiteys in a twi-OW!” Klaus covered his head, trying to keep Five from slapping it again. “This is assult; brother-on-brother violence! Apparently someone hasn’t been going to his anger management classes, which is rude, because I spent good money on those.”

“It’s not assault, it’s discipline, now get up. I won’t ask nicely again,” Five demanded, urging his brother out of the chair and towards the door. 

“I don’t think you asked for anything, let alone nicely-oh! You kinky little fucker!” Klaus laughed as the next slap hit him on the ass. 

“You’re disgusting.”

“I’m not the one who’s slapping my brother’s ass. It’s okay though, I like it! Do it a little bit harder and we’ll be in- ow! That was too hard! Wait, where are we going?” Klaus asked as Five grabbed the van keys and threw a piece of fabric at him. Five snorted in amusement as the jacket hit him square in the face before opening the front door. 

“I find it appalling that a man who’s almost 30 years old, doesn’t know how to drive a car. Since Diego has sworn an oath to never get in a car with you again and you don’t listen to Luther, it’s unfortunately up to me to teach you. Let’s get this over with.”

“Well. What if I don’t want to learn how to drive,” Klaus challenged, putting the jacket on. He immediately froze when his brother turned to face him, a sharp grin on his face. 

“What makes you think you have a choice in the matter?” 

Whelp. There’s that.  
\---

Five ends up driving them to an empty parking lot at an abandoned mall to start with the basics (“Do you even know what the PRND stands for, Klaus?” “It may surprise you- “Yes, it does.”- that I actually know something about driving; it stands for park, reverse, neutral, drive). After quickly discussing the different pedals, Five switches places Klaus and instructs him to drive around the parking lot, telling him to stop, turn, and reverse and various points. 

Even though Five utilizes his usual brand of ridicule and mean commentary to teach, he’s surprisingly patient, even when Klaus skids to a stop to miss a squirrel. He’s not overly harsh or judgy like Luther would be, or an exasperated pushover like Diego. Five just continues to guide him and correct him until it’s hours later and Klaus feels somewhat accomplished by what he has learned.

However, he doesn’t expect Five to tell him to drive them home. “Ah, mein bruder, even though we’ve done a lot today, I wouldn’t trust myself to drive on the road with actual traffic rules and, you know, people I could run over,” Klaus said, reaching down to unbuckle his belt.  
.  
Five’s hands darted out to stop him. “Though it pains me to say this, you’re actually decent at driving and you’ve got enough brain cells to know that you stop at red, go on green, and don’t cross over the double yellow line. Drive us home, Klaus.”

Klaus weirdly touched. “Wow, that has to be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me, Five-Oh! But I don’t think I’m ready to drive on the street.”

“We’re not going home unless you drive us. So unless you want to spend the night in the van….”

“It’s cute that you think I’m scared away at the thought of sleeping in the van. Do you remember that I was homeless? Trust me, this is nice compared to some of the dives I’ve been in.”

“Okay,” Five nods, seemingly reasonable. Then, “This is your only warning. I want coffee. I want coffee yesterday. So you can choose to drive home or you can choose to drive home. One will be more painful than the other. So. Drive. Us. Home. Klaus.”

Klaus chose to live, drive.  
\---

Klaus was a ball of nerves, gripping the steering wheel tightly as he drove in traffic. Five noticed his grip and rolled his eyes. “Relax, Klaus, you’re going to give yourself an aneurism. You’re doing fine.”

“Don’t distract me!” The other man hissed back, suddenly stopping when the light turned yellow. Klaus flinched in apology when the car behind him blared their horn, shouting obscenities, and Five flipped them off. “Don’t antagonize them!”

Five scoffed, “Like those assholes can do anything to me.”

“Not the point,” Klaus muttered as he started to drive again. “Are we there yet?” 

“Almost. Just keep focused on the road; you’ve done well so far.” 

“I almost hit a girl!”

“Well, she should have been paying attention instead of looking at her phone. It wasn’t a crosswalk.”

Half an hour later, Klaus nearly cried in relief when the Academy finally came into view. Though no major instances, other than the texting girl, happened, he was still happy that he no longer had to drive. Not only was it stressful, Five had started to get a little more testy the longer he went without coffee. Five huffed, “finally” in an annoyed tone before moving to leave the vehicle. Klaus stayed in his seat, looking at the steering wheel. A sudden rapping on the window had him looking up at Five’s face, before he undid his seat belt and slid out of the car. 

“What’s with the face?”

“I drove.”

“Yes, Klaus, that’s what it’s called when you maneuver a vehicle from Point A to Point B. Stunning detective work.”

“I drove. You taught me how to drive.” Klaus smiled at the shorter man, even as he bared his teeth threateningly.

“And if you ever mention it, I’ll rip out your tongue and shove it down your throat. Understood? Now, I’m going to get coffee. Feel free to stand here and look like an idiot.”

Klaus waited until Five had made it up the steps and pushed the mansion doors wide open before yelling, “Thank you, daddy!” 

It was just good luck that Diego, Ben, and Allison were in the sitting room and it was definitely worth being teleported on the roof.


End file.
